The Teeth Thing

I think we know each other well enough now. I'm ready to share with you what I have come to call, the teeth thing.

I'm weird about my teeth. I've never had a cavity in my life and have always brushed twice a day. I survived braces, and headgear, and came out on the other side. However, about halfway through college I began having the dreams.

It's a normal dream. Sure it has its weird, dreamy things going on, but for the most part it starts out as a normal dream. Then, my teeth start rotting out. The dream continues along its normal story arc, but with the new twist of rapidly decaying teeth. They don't always rot out. Sometimes they straight up fall out. Sometimes they crack and shear into jagged pieces still stuck in my mouth. It's terrible. It's so real. I wake up checking my teeth to see if they're still there, always relieved that they are still intact. Weird, I know.

The paranoia has started to make its way into real life though. Two weeks ago, I went to Six Flags on the band trip. When riding roller coasters, one experiences what are called "positive Gs". This is the multiplication of the normal force of gravity. So, if you weigh one hundred pounds and are pulling 3 Gs, just for that instant, you weigh 300 pounds. This apparently affected my teeth. I first noticed it on the Mind Bender. When we would go through the loops, my teeth would ache! Are they pulling out of my head? Are they going to fall out if I continue to ride!? I'm weird about my teeth.

The current dental debate being waged in my psyche has to do with my new toothbrush. It has soft bristles. I'm usually a firm bristle kinda guy. I'm starting to think that the weak, soft bristles are not brushing thoroughly enough. Thus, they leave behind more plaque; slowly rotting my teeth. I get the urge throughout the day to brush.

I promise I'm not a looney toon. Just weird about my teeth.