Demon Doggie

3:15 a.m. this morning. I heard Jenny crying in her crate. This is unusual- she normally sleeps quietly through the night. I drifted in and out of consciousness only to be awakened by her helpless cries. I put my robe and house slippers on and shuffled over to her crate. I opened the latch and she shot out like a champagne cork! She ran to the front door, which was closed because again, it was 3:15 in the morning.

Before I continue with this morning's tale, let me fill you in on a couple of Jenny facts. She never nudges her way into or out of things. If she visibly can't get past something, she stands there; be it the door to her crate or a wimpy lawn chair propped at the head of the deck stairs. Also, due to the busy street on which my house is located, I keep Jenny inside. If she does go outside, she's on a leash at all times. A couple of times, she has slipped away from me, resulting in ten minutes of chasing her all over the place cussing out loud as I run blocks and blocks.

Back to the action. I opened the front door. The storm door behind it was slightly open. She didn't even hesitate. She FORCED her way out the door and bolted down the yard to the right of my house as if posessed by some fierce, very fast demon. Fear. Shock. Visions of Jenny getting run over in the street. On top of that, she was naked, no collar! I actually contemplated going back inside and changing into more athletic clothing and tennis shoes in preparation for the chase. Instead, I followed her rather sloppily (in house slippers and robe) to the yard next door. I now understood why she was crying- I saw what fierce demon had posessed her- I caught her at a dog's (and a human's) most vulnerable moment: pooping.

After she finished, I advanced in her direction. At times like these she engages in the most annoying and infuriating game: let him get close to me and start thinking i'm going to let him leash me, then run away more. I lose that game every time. My instinct is to go get her! I worry that she'll run away for good. We stood in frozen standoff. Then, I went against my instincts- I started walking back to the house. It worked. Perhaps overcome by her own worry that I'd leave her out there, Jenny came flying at me. "I'm a genius! I'm the next Cesar Millan!" I thought. This thought was quickly smashed as Jenny flew PAST me and into the back yard. The chase was on again. I mumbled profanities under my breath, turned around in my now slosshy house slippers, and headed for the back yard.

Jenny was darting back and forth in the back yard. She has seen kittens, squirrels, and birds back here and never really had the chance to pursue them. I stood between Jenny and the house. Collar and leash in hand, I could advance in her direction, but alas, I chose the opposite again. Praying it would work like last time, I started walking up the stairs and pretending like I was going inside. She came. She walked right up to me and let me put the collar on her. I was incredibly relieved, wet and tired. I opened the storm door and tried the knob: locked. Jenny and I sloshed back around to the front of the house, went inside and collapsed on our respective beds.

It was safe to say that we were both, literally, pooped.